Mb-n-K

Recent yays

Nice things we've noticed/remembered recently:

• Hotel D'Argenson and mileage reward tickets
• Nick's foolproof way to cure hiccups, learned back in the rearhouse days (10 years ago?!).
      Sit/stand up straight, and tilt your head waaaay back, such that your throat is open and forms a straight line.  Take three deep, long breaths in that position.  Ta-da!  No more hiccups.
  
• Malaak Rock's Journey for Change program, featured on CNN's Black in America 2.
      Journey for Change: Empowering Youth Through Global Service aimed to provide a life-changing experience to at-risk youth in Bushwick, many of whom have never left the borough of Brooklyn. We specifically targeted youth between the ages of 12 and 15, when they are beginning to make important life decisions. Our hope was to empower them not only to have a vision for their own lives, but to also empower those around them by living a life of purpose and service.
  
• Mb's current favorite snack, Xochitl Totopos de Maiz.  It's over for you, Tostitos.  Garden of Eatin, I hardly knew ye.
• K's current favorite dessert, Mb's pecan squares (adapted from the Barefoot Contessa recipe)

Chocolates

So I'm fat; whatever--I own my love of food!  But I have to admit, sometimes the obsession really goes over the top.  Case in point, I am making handmade filled, molded, and dipped chocolates.  I've even named some of them.

• Milk chocolate covered fleur-de-sel caramels
• Dark chocolate filled with dark chocolate ganache
• Inspired by tiramisu: white chocolate domes filled with Khalua & coffee ganache
• Dark chocolate "books of love," filled with a spiced cayenne ganache
• Mini chocolate flower pots layered with brandied hazelnut buttercream and dark chocolate (and a caramelized hazelnut, if I get around to it)
• Maple-filled buttons
• Truffles

If I get them all made this week, maybe I will sell them for Valentine's Day!

- Mb

Answering "How are you?"

I wonder how many times we hear that question in a given day.  Sometimes it replaces "hello" as an innocuous opener to conversation, or acts as the verbal equivalent of a wave to an acquaintance.  How many times is it meant sincerely and asked out of interest or concern for your well-being?

Some common responses:

• The automatic: "fine" or "good," sometimes followed by "thanks," and sometimes followed by
• The empty question: "How are you?" "How ya doin?"

Or, answers with emotional weight that still don't necessarily call for further engagement:

• The woe-is-me might be a resigned sigh or shrug: "Trudging right along..." Conversely,
• The woo-hoo is more optimistic, e.g. "We're all healthy" or "The sun is shining."

Anyway, I know I'm overthinking it, but maybe I'm just compensating for how robotic most exchanges can be.  At one point years ago, Jp threatened to stop calling until I could answer something other than "Same."  Maybe if it's misheard as "Sane," it can actually get a good debate going!  If you ask me, these days I'll probably say, "Can't complain!"

So really, tell me, how are YOU?

- Mb

Mas, "me too"ing, one-upmanship...

Also referred to as trumping.

Sample
Person #1: "I have a cold."
The Trumper: "Oh?  I've been stuffed up for three weeks and will probably have to be hospitalized for a respiratory infection."

Sample 2
Person #1: "It's so annoying when my husband folds the toothpaste tube instead of rolling it."
The Trumper: "Three years ago, I moved into my sister's basement because I couldn't stand the thought of being married anymore.  He's just such an ass sometimes.  Did you know that yesterday, he had the audacity to claim that *his* way of loading the dishwasher was more efficient?  I mean, who does he think he is?  He's lucky that I even cooked dinner, the least he could do is wash the dishes without whining about it!"

It's usually not the kind of obvious thing like, "I ran a mile" garnering a response of "I ran TWO."  It can be subtle, and isn't necessarily intended to be a competitive statement.  Some people use examples from their own lives to relate to others; and for some folks, that "me too" sentiment creates an air of camaraderie.  There are also the times when the excitement of "OMG we have so much in common and I never thought there was anyone out there like me" feeling can build bridges to new relationships.

For my closest friends, during times of need for emotional support, sometimes all I can offer is a sort of "I can understand the depths of your feeling, because I have gone there myself, and this is how I got through it." I guess this only really works with one person, because she and I can talk through the kinds of feelings and emotional revelations that we have in common.  With other friends, maybe it translates into something selfishly intended like, "how can I make this all about me?"

Well, regardless of intention, it seems like everyone does it, to some extent.  K usually calls me on it by saying "Mas!" (Tagalog for "more"), and giving a knowing shake of the head.  If I've done it to you--sorry!  Point it out, and I'll be embarrassed, but I'd rather face a little shame than be an ass.

- Mb

Grumpy brunch

I sent this to a couple of people I consider my "cohorts" in winter hibernation.  It feels a little freeing to face the fact that I am not a cheery ray of sunshine--a fact which many of you could've pointed out to me a long time ago.  (Or maybe you did, and I ignored you?)

I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE.

That's my general mood these days.  I hibernate, avoid social contact, and lose the ability to fake being nice with the people I do have to deal with.  Call it seasonal affective disorder or call me a bitch, it's a fact, either way.

So, if misery loves company, do you want to come over to my place for food and drink?  I'm thinking a grumpy brunch, replete with bloody marys (if you will actually drink them). 

I can rent a sun lamp, and we can otherwise sit in brooding silence in separate corners of the room.  You can come in pajamas and bitch about things, or you can just ignore me and take a plate to go.  You don't have to bring anything, except maybe a dog or HappyLight or something else that theoretically makes winter less painful.

Speaking from experience, I know it's a lot to ask!  So I'm not pretending this will be a party or entertainment or social mingling.  Don't expect party favors or place settings, and no pressure for eye contact or conversation ;)  Just a reason to cook and not have myself eat it all alone. 

2pm on [date, redacted].  No waking up early necessary.

No RSVPing necessary either.  You can make the decision that day!  Feel free to invite or uninvite anyone you want, but make sure they know I may not talk to them.

- Mb

Links

Frequently visited sites recently, shared for no specific reasons:

• Red Lentil, a vegetarian & vegan restaurant in Watertown, MA.  Thanks to Meghan & Dan for introducing me!
• Harvard's Grad program in Technology, Innovation, and Education
• Stand with Haiti, updates from Partners in Health
• Public Skating hours from the Massachusetts Department of Conservation and Recreation
• And, as usual, Flickr and Twitter

- Mb

Helping

A great link from my sister: Chris Sacca's Six Ways You Can Help in Haiti. In addition to the resources the author listed, many readers have left comments on the post with other options/avenues to provide assistance.

Sometimes it's tough to know what to do in the aftermath of tragic events like the earthquake in Haiti, Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami of 2004, and even 9/11/01.  If I flew over there right now, how much could I help?  If I gave my life savings, how much difference could it make?  If I started a foundation dedicated to relief work or policy building or rescue aid or feeding the hungry or ending poverty, how much could I actually change?  It's easy to get discouraged by the thought that I could never do enough.  But others' stories give me perspective...

What good is a pencil case, sent to a single student in New Orleans?  It might not sound like a lot, but when that object inspired a boy to ask his classmates to donate school supplies, and those classmates asked their friends and parents, it resulted in dozens of fully-stocked bookbags getting shipped to a school rebuilding after Hurricane Katrina.

A retired neurosurgeon was talking about his yearly medical missions to the Philippines.  In addition to working with an organization to provide care in areas with little/no access to medical resources, he tacks on time to each trip to spend on his own personal mission of aiding children with hydrocephalus. 

Someone asked me to save ketchup packets I get from fast-food restaurants, to give to a soup kitchen.  It seems like such a small thing to give, but with the money saved on buying condiments, they are able to offer a cookie or brownie with each meal.  The "luxury" of a sweet treat makes a difference, even if it just an extra smile or fleeting moment of joy.

A local coffee shop offered everything for free, one day this weekend.  Rather than charge anything, the baristas collected optional donations for the efforts of Partners In Health in Haiti.  They raised over $10,000!

It's not about time, or scale, or heroism.  It's not about guilt or wanting to personally feel like I'm doing good.  When the sentiment comes together--when acts of kindness turn into waves of generosity, or when a small gesture inspires a life of benevolence--I'm reminded that *helping* is not about me at all.

- Mb

A blast from the past

Ahh, the late-90s peak of internet bubbledom. My, how things change!

- Mb

P.S. Don't blink, or you'll miss fat-short-haired-Mb-on-a-hammock!

Baking!

If I had a bakery or a dessert catering operation, I think I would lean towards individually-sized treats.  Some of my offerings would be:

• The chocolate chip cookies people keep asking for
• Other assorted cookies: snickerdoodles, gingerbread
• French macarons (not the coconut things, the meringue-like almond confections)
• Pecan squares, lemon tarts, other "bars"
• Small cakes to share with a friend: tiramisu, raspberry-lemon, chocolate decadence with mexican vanilla mascarpone frosting.
• Cream puffs
• Handmade chocolates

I hope they wouldn't be all brownish, like this year's Christmas tin.  I don't think I'm interested in offering cupcakes.  Neither do I want to spread myself too thin or have a boring menu with the typical range of desserts.  Maybe I'd offer things seasonally. 

If it were a place, there'd be wi-fi and a gallery.  If it were a truck, I don't know if I'd drive it around, or just park next to Clover.  Not sure how catering would work.  Or maybe I could just source local places.

A girl can dream!

- Mb

2010 sounds like science-fiction

Yet, here we are in the real world.  Welcome to the new year!  Any resolutions?

While I know I have to/want to lose weight, I didn't fool myself and pretend that January 1st would make a difference in my habits.  If I were going to commit to healthier eating or more exercising, it'll be on a day I "feel" like it.  Or when pigs fly, whichever comes first.  (On a side note, do you think there are any genetic engineers working on making pigs with functioning wings?)

I do have one resolution though: to try and make sure that everything I do is for the right reason.  It's a simple concept, but it is still quite challenging to break habits of thought that lead to my actions.  Even if there are good results, if I am doing something for selfish reasons, I think it defeats the purpose.  I don't mean to use it as a prohibitive measure--I'll still do "good things."  But I will question my intentions and try steer myself towards the simple desire of doing good.

For example, I wanted to bring a cake to a friend for her birthday.  I was stressing out about ingredients and timing with other plans.  I got snippy when things weren't going smoothly, and even snapped in the direction of K (of course he didn't do anything "wrong," but he has the lucky position of being the person in my life who sees me at my worst).  I ran to the other room crying, where I realized that I was not doing it for the right reason.

It may be a nice thing to do, but that's not what was motivating me.  I was crying because I wanted to prove that I was her friend.  I wanted to feel like I was just as important as the other women at the party.  Part of me even wanted to show off a fancy dessert to them.  I hate to admit how self-centered, juvenile, and maybe even passive-aggressive I was feeling.  Ultimately, I stayed in that night, and brought the cake another day. 

It was a kick in the pants for me to realize how my self-serving motivations could corrupt a supposed act of kindness.  A week into the new year, and I feel like such an idiot for how many times I've failed already.  Maybe writing about it here will make me more accountable for my actions. 

How about you?  Have you had more success at your resolutions than I?

- Mb